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Not for the first time, Jane sat amongst a crowd of friends and wondered why she even bothered. They were all good, conservative Christians. Believers of the One Truth. Follow-the-rules type virgins. Pitiful in Jane’s humble opinion. Not that she wasn’t a Christian, she was. Just not as literally as all her friends were. Well…almost all of them. For the past three years she had grown close to this group of friends despite their differences. She had gone to high school with Mary and they had met Jess, her brother Eddy, and his friends their freshman year. Now three years later, Mary was engaged to one of his friends and Jane was secretly seeing Eddy. Secretly because no one could know that Eddy was a “sinner” like her, but seeing maybe was not the right word for it… for about a year a pattern had developed of getting drunk every once in a while and hooking up. The day after would consist of texts discussing how it could never happen again which would turn in to sexting then a repeat performance. The problem was that aside from hating the secrecy, Jane also kind of hated Eddy. He was narcissistic, obnoxious, a pathological liar, and generally just not her type. He was good looking and fun to flirt with when he wasn’t being a total ass, but in general he wasn’t really worth her time. The sex was mediocre and only appealing because of the risk. She didn’t even really want to be around him. And yet, there she sat in his backyard around the bonfire with everyone avoiding catching his eyes and trying not to think about how alienated and alone she felt in this crowd.
Luckily, tonight Eddy had surrounded himself by the flirty girls and was making an ass out of himself, so he was easy to ignore without remorse. Mary and her fiancé Doug were lost in each other’s company and Jess was in a deep discussion with Jason, the philosophical friend. The only people unoccupied were Jane and Will who sat quietly looking into the fire and sipping his beer. Will was new to the group. He had met Jason at a Bible college in New York and decided to go to Colorado with his new friend for a while before moving back to California. Jane had liked him immediately. He fit well into the group, but because he didn’t know everyone and the extended friends that well, it had often been ending up like this: just them left to talk and hang out. She tried not to think of him as anything more than a friend. He was good looking and funny and very nice, but other than that all she really knew about him was that he was a good kid like the rest of them, he hated being too connected to anything, and was going back to California eventually though she had no idea when. So they usually just talked and casually hung out with the rest of the group and went out to a bar sometimes as friends.
Tonight they talked about the usual topics: group gossip, beers of choice, and crazy stories from the past. Jane found it so easy to talk to him she didn’t even really think about the secret she was revealing when she finished off one of her anecdotes with “I was so high though, so of course I couldn’t stop laughing.” Almost immediately after the words left her mouth she realized her mistake and, embarrassed, began trying to think of how to fix it. There was no need for that though as Will responded by mentioning how long it had been since he smoked weed.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa…” Jane said completely stunned, “You’ve smoked before?!”
Will looked at her like she was nuts and laughed, “Uhh…yeah, couple times haha. Have you not noticed my tattoo?”
In fact, Jane had noticed his tattoo. It was a clutter of designs covering the entirety of his left forearm that couldn’t be clearly deciphered without looking closely, but she had thus far tried to avoid it. Will was hot. Will was very hot. He was tall with a broad chest and strong shoulders that led down to even stronger arms. Since the first time she met him she had tried to not notice these features or the painfully noticeable ink that decorated his beautiful dark skin. He was off limits, so the fact that he had so many qualities that Jane had weaknesses for was troubling. So she had ignored it so far, but now next to the light of the fire he extended he arm toward her and scooted a bit closer. She looked down at his wrist and noticed a rather large image of a marijuana plant. Now she felt more embarrassed at not noticing, but laughed again surprised.
“Hey…good kids aren’t supposed to smoke weed let alone get a tattoo of it haha.” She said as she continued to examine the rest of the inked design.
“Well I wasn’t always a good kid.” Will retorted.
She felt his eyes on her and looked up to meet them. He was grinning, but the look in his eyes seemed almost solemn. She had avoided this too, looking into his dark eyes made her want to be closer to him. Will wasn’t just another one of this Holier-than-thou crowd. Jane recognized this before, but hadn’t fully appreciated it until now. She began to feel her face redden and even though the firelight was not enough to illuminate kartal escort it, she looked back down to the tattoo trying to concentrate on the rest of it. Will must have noticed as he started to explain.
“I got the weed tat when I turned 18, I was kinda out of control back then. After a while all the craziness got old, but I was afraid I couldn’t erase all the bad stuff from my past. I guess that’s when I started to explore my faith and stuff and it felt good to remember that God is forgiving. That’s when I got the phoenix.”
Now that he put a name to it she started to see the swirling shapes form into feathers and body of a bird in flight reaching up to the chi roe symbol near the crease of his elbow. She couldn’t help it; she reached out a hand and traced up the long feathers with her finger until she got to the symbol. She could feel his gaze searching her face instead of her finger as he continued.
“So I guess it’s just a reminder that even if I sin, I can still rise from the ashes and rise up to God.”
There is was. The moment Jane needed to pull her out of the trace and back into safe, plutonic reality. He was one of the good kids, maybe not exactly the same, but still off limits to her. The reminder was emphasized by Jason overhearing and involving himself into the conversation.
“That’s right, man. Our God is good! Maybe you can convince Jane to come to church with us and actually hear the Word.” He said grinning.
As he spoke Jane chugged the rest of the beer she had been nursing and rolled her eyes. She hated this. She hated that she couldn’t go one night without one of her well-meaning friends telling her she wasn’t Christian enough. She really hated that she couldn’t get mad at them because she knew that’s just how they show they care. At the moment, she wasn’t in the mood to get into it.
“The only place Jane can be convinced to go right now is to fetch another beer…Anyone else need one?” She said as she stood up and started to walk into the garage where the beer fridge was. No one answered as Jason had taken her seat and welcomed Jess and the others still around the fire into a religious conversation. It was perfect timing really. She had almost let herself start to think about Will more than she should and was glad for the shock back into rational, logical thought. The logical action to take now was to get hammered. As she reached into the fridge she felt someone walk up behind her. The feeling was familiar enough to let her know it was Eddy, so she didn’t react when he reached one arm around her and the other passed her in to grab a beer. He kissed he neck and whispered something about making sure they stay away from each other before he went back outside yelling something stupid. No problem there…she thought rolling her eyes once again at her choice in company. The only thing I even want to be around right now is a solid state of inebriation.
In what seemed like no time at all she got there. The perfect state of drunkenness. She was conversing and having fun with everyone except Eddy who had retreated to the basement to have a “heart-to-heart talk” with one of the flirty girls. Good for him, but better for Jane who was glad of the opportunity to discuss what an ass he was with the rest of the girls and laugh and forget about any worries. She eventually had ended up back by Will, the feelings from earlier forgotten in her state. They joked around about Will’s philosophy on hair maintenance and laughed with everyone else, but more with each other as their wit was evenly matched. At some point only Jane, Jason, Doug, and Will remained in the back yard in the wee hours of the morning.
Somehow the conversation had reached a point of debate about self-defense for girls. Jane’s inner tomboy was surfacing as she talked about the different ways she could hit and tackle despite being smaller than all of them. The alcohol had of course prompted her to demonstrate such things and in the end she was laying on the ground out of breath near Will after a small wrestling match while the other two boys laughed and pointed. Amidst the sound of the laughter and the view of the stars she now had while lying in the plush grass, Jane stopped paying attention to the boys and the rest of the world. She had no idea how long she was lost in thought, but was suddenly pulled out of it by the sound of Will’s voice.
“Finding any answers up there?”
She looked over at him. He was half on his side, propped up on his elbow with legs crossed and stretched out before him not too far above her head. She noticed this about the same time she noticed the discomfort in her neck from lack of support and slid herself back to use his entwined calves as a pillow.
“Not yet…but I’ll keep looking” she smiled up at him. She was happy for the first time that night. It was beautiful out, she felt good, she didn’t feel like Will was judging her or was going to start going on about God and stuff. She was just comfortable. As she continued to look maltepe escort bayan up at the sky she became vaguely aware that the other two boys were gone and that it was probably close to 2:30 in the morning. Jane was just drunk enough to really consider this, instead she was thinking about Will’s comments earlier on the dangers of washing hair too much.
“So when was the last time you washed your hair?” She asked suddenly, looking up as him with a mischievous smirk, intent on proving a point. He smiled back at her knowing that she wasn’t just asking for the sake of it, but was trying to find holes in his logic.
“Probably about a week ago” Will replied simply.
“Isn’t that a bit gross though, Will? I mean doesn’t it get all dirty and oily and icky and…junk…?”
“No, I mean I rinse it with water and stuff, but I just think the chemicals in shampoo dry it out and too many people wash their hair too much. Mark my words, in twenty years I’ll be the only one of us not bald.”
She laughed and continued to pry, “Oh come on…it has to be somewhat oily and uncomfortable?”
Will sighed and sat up, scooting closer to her as she followed suit and sat up as well.
“Feel.” He said simply leaning his head toward her. She laughed and gave him a begrudging look, but raised her hand toward his head anyway. As Jane ran her fingers through his black hair she noted spitefully that he was right. It wasn’t oily or dirty feeling. In fact, it was soft and thick, not unlike her own hair which she washed at least once a day and treated with a variety of expensive products. This gave her an idea for a retort.
“Well it’s not oily I guess, but still not as luxurious as mine which defies all of your logic. Besides, maybe you have freak hair that doesn’t get gross after a day, but as for the rest of us, I think we can stick to shampoo.”
Will laughed and gave a smile of concession. “Fine,” he said, “I have perfect hair, you win.”
She laughed back knowing he was just being a punk, but lay back down anyway this time resting her head on his thigh just above the knee for more comfort. It only took a moment for her to think of a comment to jab him with.
“I do win…but that’s because I’m the one with the perfect hair, not you.” Jane commented in a nonchalant tone, waiting for a witty retort as she looked up to the sky once more. It didn’t come at first. Instead she felt his hand lightly brush her bangs off her forehead and run through her long auburn locks a few times.
“It’s not perfect.” He muttered almost to himself and he continued to stroke her hair. “It’s tangled.”
Along with the comfort of the grass, the calm of the night, the lateness of the hours, and of course the excess of beer, Will’s hand moving through Jane’s hair relaxed her into drowsiness. He gently untangled knots that had developed while they had wrestled earlier and every once in a while would lightly stroke her forehead with his thumb making her eyes even heavier. She started to say something, though not quite sure what, but Will stopped her with a quiet yet firm shhhh. So she shhh’ed and began to fall asleep. Unfortunately, the lulling was interrupted. Eddy had come out through the garage and loudly began to inquire as to the whereabouts of the other boys. He had obviously had plenty to drink as well. Jane was annoyed by his presence since he interrupted her relaxed moment of peace, but when she looked at Will’s face she noticed he was annoyed too. It suddenly dawned on her what he had been doing and the image Eddy had seen when he walked out. Oh this will be fun to deal with later…Will’s look of frustration vanished quickly as he sat up straighter and told Eddy the boys were in playing video games. Jane watch as Eddy nodded and left then looked back to Will.
“We should probably go in. I think it’s going to rain.” He said looking up and away from her. He was right actually. Tiny drops of water had begun to fall. They went into the garage and Jane sprawled out across the old couch pondering Will’s affectionate touch and how she had failed to notice it.
Will’s voice once again interrupted her deep thoughts. “Are you going to sleep here tonight?”
“Well there is no way I can drive home right now.” She replied. He just nodded and started to go into the house.
“Wait!” she said with a bit more force than she had meant to. “Are you going to sleep now? I figured we would stay up and talk some more?” And she honestly had, she wasn’t expecting anything from him, but had just felt like he wasn’t ready for sleep either. He hesitated for a few moments before mumbling something about “I’ll be right back.” then disappeared into the house. Jane’s thoughts floated back to Eddy. What would he say? What would she say back? Maybe she wouldn’t have to deal with it. Another guy in the group pet her hair all the time as a long-standing joke. Perhaps this was equally harmless. Perhaps….
It only took a few minutes for Will to return to the escort pendik garage where Jane still lay on the couch. Instead of choosing one of the vacant chairs, he walked to the couch lifted her legs enough to slide beneath them, and rested them back down on to his lap. Jane was trying to rationalize this is her head. He’s just being flirtatious like before. It’s all in innocent fun. For a while she seemed to be right. Will was flirty, but not over baring. They talked about their lives and questioned each other on likes and dislikes and what about their past made them this way. Will was doing more of the questioning and listening, leaving Jane to focus on her words, a talent of hers. Because of this she was only vaguely aware that he had been lightly rubbing her feet and calves. She didn’t even consider it because it felt so natural. Even when his soft hand started to venture up to her knee she didn’t notice. Not until she felt a chill run up her spine when his fingertips brushed her inner thigh did she snap into reality. She looked up into his dark eyes that were not as far away as they were when he first sat down. He had leaned down and was half lying between her and the back of the couch, one arm reached over the top, supporting him. The other was still resting lightly on her thigh.
“Now, now William…” she smiled, trying to keep her cool and control the situation, “I don’t believe that is where a good Christian boy should keep his hand.” Will gave her a mischievous grin, his dark eyes laughing in the dull light.
“Christian?…Yes. Good?…Debatable.” He chided as he started to scoot up closer to her, his hand remaining on her leg though moving now.
“I was only ‘saved’ a couple years ago. I find it hard sometimes to have to not do things I want when they were so normal before.”
She blushed, confused at his seductive behavior. In almost every single relationship or one-night dalliance Jane had ever had, she was the one who did the seducing. In her 21 years, she had never felt as wanted by a man as she did now and she didn’t really know how to handle it.
“What things were normal?” she asked already knowing the answer, but just trying to buy some time to think about what to do. I shouldn’t do anything!, she thought to herself, considering that being the temptation would be worse than being the tempted if they were caught by any of their friends. And really, she didn’t know if she wanted to be a temptation to Will. Will, who she really cared about and respected. She didn’t want to be just his sin that he regretted. He must have read her mind.
“Jane, stop thinking so much…I’ve wanted you since the day I met you, not just because you are beautiful, but because you are real. You get what no one else here seems to get.” At her perplexed look her continued.
“If I was afraid that being with you would damn me to Hell forever, I wouldn’t be here. The only reason I haven’t made a move before is because our friends would freak out. This is the first time we’ve really been at all alone, and I just can’t hold back anymore.”
She wanted to protest and argue that she wasn’t worth any risk, but the look in his eyes, the softness of his deep voice, and the strength and sureness of his body as he came parallel to her stopped the words from coming out. They were facing each other on their side, and he took her small hands in one of his while the other rested on her hip. He stared at her face for a few moments, seemingly drinking in the image. She stared right back, lingering for a moment on his lips — a pause that did not go unnoticed by Will. He leaned in and lightly matched his mouth to hers. The gentle, but firm kiss was all Jane needed to lose any hesitations she had had. She returned the kiss with more pressure and felt a pleased feeling of butterflies in her stomach when he read her response as openness for more.
It had been too long since she had really been kissed and kissed well. A fleeting thought suggested that she had never been kissed quite like this. It felt so right! As their passion grew, so did their need and pace. Their hands were searching and exploring the curves of one another’s bodies. She gasped and sighed when she felt his hands run over the crotch of her jean shorts, drawing attention to the wetness she hadn’t noticed until now. Will noticed too…
“So I’m not the only one getting hot, huh?” he laughed breathily, taking a break from kissing her neck. She smiled to herself as she gently pushed her pelvis and thigh into him, feeling his hardening member pressing against the fabric of his gym shorts. She reached one hand down and ran a knuckle along his pants line, letting the other fingers brush the strained fabric. She smiled when he released a groan of wanting and felt even more growth. Jane may not have been used to being seduced, but they were passed seduction now, and she did know what to do with a man at this point in the game. She looked into his dark eyes for a moment before again kissing him deeply, pressing her whole body against his. He pushed back eagerly-exactly what she had hoped for. Just as she felt his hands begin to search for a way to please her she sat up without warning and scooted away from him to the edge of the couch. She smiled at his look of panic and fluster.
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