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Editor’s note: this story contains scenes of incest or incest content.
I sat at the kitchen table with my head in my hands. Half an hour ago it was just a normal day, I had come in from work and hung up my coat, it hadn’t been a bad day in my little shop. Walking through to the kitchen I spotted the piles of clean laundry I had asked John to put away when I went off to work this morning. Picking up a pile of his clothes I climbed up the stairs. I knocked on his door and opened it without really giving it a thought.
“John, I thought … I … Told … sorry”. I shut the door quietly and walked back downstairs with the pile of clean clothes.
Sitting at the kitchen table my mind relived the scene that had shaken my day.
When I had opened the door I saw my son John sitting on the bed kissing another boy. They had both been naked and had their hands on each others … each others. “God,” I thought “Mandy will be devastated.”
Mandy had been John’s girlfriend for years and was always around at our place, she was a lovely friendly girl. If John wasn’t home for some reason she would sit and talk with me for hours of an evening.
After a while I could hear footsteps coming down the stairs, then the sound of the front door closing quietly.
“Mum?” John’s voice sounded nervous.
Looking up I tried to smile at my son, it was at best a shaky smile.
“I’m sorry John. I didn’t mean to barge in on you like that.”
“Mum I wanted to tell you. I have been trying to work out how to tell you but the time never seemed right. I never would have wanted you to find out like that.”
“Well now would be as good a time to talk as any. Is this a serious thing or just an experiment? Does Mandy know?”
John looked embarrassed.
“Mum, I’m gay, I’ve known it for years, and Greg is not my first boyfriend.”
“I take it that was Greg? you didn’t actually introduce us.” This time I managed a more genuine smile.
“Yeah that was Greg, I asked him to go for a walk for a bit, give us an hour to talk, then I will introduce you. I’m really sorry you found out like this.”
“Well it was a bit of a surprise I have to say. But you didn’t answer my other question, does Mandy know about this?”
John looked surprised.
“Of course she knows, I don’t keep any secrets from her.”
“No only from your mother.” I laughed wryly “So have you finished it with her?”
John chuckled as he looked at my confused expression.
“Mum, there never was an IT to finish, Mandy and I are just good friends. We found each other when we were both confused about what we wanted out of life.”
“She’s always spent a lot of time around here, she’ll find it hard to adjust to you being involved with someone else.”
“I expect she will still be around, unless she meets the love of her life that is.”
“So how long have you and Greg?”
“I met him about three months ago, we liked each other. A lot of people on the gay scene sort of hop into bed with someone on their first date. But with Greg things felt different, that was supposed to have been our first time together.” John had flushed a light pink during his little speech and my heart went out to him.
“Honey would you like me to go out for a few hours, let you have the place to yourselves?”
I wasn’t all that comfortable with the idea of my son being gay yet and I don’t want you to think I was almost pushing him into this Greg’s arms. But he was an eighteen year old man and had to make his own decisions, I just wanted him to be able to do what he felt was right for him in comfort and safety. Everyone had heard of gays being beaten up in the local parks at night. It had never seemed to be anything more than a distant shame to me before now. Now the idea that someone might want to hurt my John suddenly seemed a very real thing for me.
“Mum, we can’t ask you to do that!” John went even redder at the thought of his mum leaving the house knowing that he would be with his lover.
“No, maybe you can’t. But I think I will stop around and meet this young man and then leave you two until say 10pm. OK?”
John came around the table and hugged me.
“Thanks for understanding mum.” he said with a shy smile on his face.
I frowned a little as I looked at my grown up little boy.
“I’m not sure I do understand darling. But I do want you to be happy. If this is right for you,” I shrugged my shoulders slightly. “I guess I just have to process it, uh, adjust to it.”
He hugged me again and then gave Greg a call and asked him to come back.
When Greg got here he seemed to be even more embarrassed about being caught than John had. I gave him a hug as well and told it wasn’t a problem. Then I pulled on my coat again and went out again to leave them alone.
Once I got to the bottom of our drive I had the problem of where to go. I didn’t really have any close friends, not the sort you could drop in on unannounced and stop for the evening anyway.
I decided I might as well go to the shop, Göztepe escort bayan do a bit of tidying up, sort out a few orders, that sort of thing.
The shop is only a fifteen minute walk from home, A small gift shop in a tourist town. I make a comfortable living from it and love running the shop, picking out items from suppliers that I feel will be popular. I get quite a buzz from seeing customers walk away happily with the items I have selected.
Opening the shop I walked in and turned on a few lights. It wasn’t that busy really at the moment as the season was almost over but I found enough work to last me an hour. Finishing everything that needed doing I made myself a cup of tea.
It was while I was sitting staring into my tea that it sort of hit home. My son was gay, probably won’t be any grandchildren then, what would people say. I shook myself and told myself off on that one. What did I really care about what others would think. I couldn’t shake the thought that I had somehow let John down.
He never knew his father, I didn’t know him either. I was fourteen and got blind drunk at a party. Woke up with a hangover and a sticky mess between my legs. I sort of remember making out with a boy earlier in the evening, but it all went a bit hazy after that.
Five months later I finally got up the courage to tell my mother I had a problem. Straight to the doctors for the test and lo and behold I’m pregnant.
Mum hit the roof. Before the end of the day I was packed off to a maiden Aunt’s to stay there and have my bastard. I was supposed to put him up for adoption as soon as he was born and then return home so my folks could continue on as before and pretend that nothing had ever happened.
When my John was born I held him and fed him for the first time and knew that there was no way I was going to give up my little boy.
At that even my aunt kicked me out, well she told the council she was kicking me out but she wouldn’t really put me out until I had somewhere to go. I was fifteen and alone with a kid. The next few years were rough. I had no qualifications no way to earn any money. I got a council flat after only a couple of months when I hit Sixteen. My aunt made sure I had an unofficial roof over my head until they gave me the flat, so we got by.
The benefit payments never seemed to be enough to pay for everything I needed so I did the only thing I could do, I sold my body.
A neighbour would look after John for me four nights a week for ten quid a night and I walked the streets. It was the lowest point of my life in many ways, but at least I knew I was doing it for my John.
When John was about five we moved out of the city. He was going to start school and I was giving up that particular way of earning my money. We had got a house swap with someone who was fed up with small town life and wanted to move to the city. Me, I wanted to bring John up in an environment where to my mind he would be safe and where no one would know my past. I would have hated for him to be picked on at school because his mum was a hooker.
I had worked hard all those years. It was a disgusting job and I hated every minute of it, but it paid well at times. I scrimped and saved every penny I could for five long years.
I had a dream you see, I didn’t intend to spend my life as a cheap rate mattress, that was just a means to an end. I had seen the ladies working in shops as a kid and I knew from an early age that I wanted my own shop. At first it would be a toy shop that I wanted, then a pet shop, a fashion shop, and several other shops as I grew up.
So we moved to Cornwall to a lovely little fishing town called Looe . I had saved up enough money to rent a small shop unit and had a few thousand pounds for stock. I went to a trade show at Torquay, at first I was terrified. I walked around the huge halls full of giftware all morning and was afraid to talk to anyone.
By early afternoon I got up the courage to talk to one of the girls at a stall selling fantasy giftware, you know dragons and fairies that sort of thing. I picked out a few items I liked and to my surprise they gladly accepted my order. Delighted at my success I went mad then, I went around the rest of the day thinking “It’s ok now, I’m trade”.
The opening day for the shop was chaotic, at least half the stock hadn’t arrived and the place was a mess. Basically I wasn’t ready.
It took at least a month after that to get in all the stuff I had ordered. It was soon after opening I found out one mistake I had made. In my eagerness to get started I had opened my shop after the summer season was over. It was a very hard first year, poor sales and no money. When spring came things began to slowly pick up and since then I have never looked back.
The little shop has seen us well provided for all through John’s school years and through college and now would see us all right when he went to university in about a month.
The thought of John going off to university brought another wave of worry. What would happen to him there, Escort Caddebostan if he intended to be openly gay would he be given a hard time. I know people were not so judgemental these days as they were when I was growing up, but still it was a worry.
When I heard the knocking on the door I found somewhere along the way I had started crying. Wiping the tears from my eyes I went to see who was at the door.
I was surprised to see Mandy standing on the street.
“Hi Mandy what ever are you doing here?” I asked her.
“Oh John called and asked me to check to see if you were all right. He thought you might have come here.” She said cheerfully.
“Well,” I thought to myself. “She certainly doesn’t look like someone who has just been dumped.”
“Come in, I was just finishing off some paperwork. Can I get you a coffee.”
“I’ve got a better idea Mrs H. Why don’t we go to the Oak and have a drink. That should kill an hour or so.”
“Well I don’t know.” I said a little preoccupied. “I’m not really dressed for the pub you know.”
She grinned at me, she almost always was grinning anyway.
“You look fine Mrs H. Lets go.”
A few minutes later I found myself taking my coat off in the Oak and sitting at a corner table while Mandy went up to the bar. I couldn’t help noticing as she stood there, she was a pretty little thing. Mandy was quite short only about 5’3″, with long brown hair and a trim figure she turned heads wherever she went. It just seemed such a shame that John didn’t seem to want her except as a friend, she would have made a nice daughter-in-law.
Shortly she was back with our drinks. I’ve never been much of a drinker, didn’t have the money spare for years, and I’ve never really been much of a social animal. But it is quite pleasant to relax occasionally with a nice glass of wine. Mandy looked closely at me as she sat down.
“Were you crying?” She asked me as she passed me my glass of white.
“Oh it’s nothing, I was just thinking of the past a bit.”
“What distant past or this afternoon past? John told me what happened, it must of been a shock for you to find out like that.”
“Well I can’t deny that it was a shock, I’d always sort of thought you and John were sort of, you know, a couple.”
Mandy laughed, a rich throaty sound that was always infectious and even now made me chuckle.
“Me and John, no way. How did you get that idea?”
“Well you always spend a lot of time around at our house. So I just assumed.”
Mandy was still giggling slightly at the thought of her and John being an item.
“I think you will find Greg is definitely more John’s type.”
“I must admit it seems a bit strange, I have never thought about this sort of thing before. I had always just assumed he would finish university, get a nice job and settle down with some one.”
“I think that’s what he has got in mind, it’s just that someone will be male not female. Does it really make that much difference to you?” Mandy looked a little concerned, I am sure she must have known that I wouldn’t throw John out or anything stupid like that, so her concern was a little bit misplaced.
“It’s not that I have a problem with gay people, I really have never even thought about it before. But you read in the papers about people being given a hard time just because they are gay, I guess I just worry that he might suffer for his way of life.” I told her, “What are you going to do with yourself now that John is involved with Greg?”
Mandy flushed slightly and looked down at the table for a second before answering, I could tell there was something on her mind.
“Oh I will still be around, you know. I like coming round your house.”
“Oh.” I said, she was still looking at the table and her flush had deepened, was she feeling left out now that John had found Greg?
“I like to come around your house because you’re there.” She whispered gently placing her hand on top of mine.
I froze for a moment, did she mean what I thought she meant. Oh god what do I do now, even after this afternoon with John it still hadn’t occurred to me that Mandy might be gay as well, I mean she seemed like such a nice girl. Then I started to berate myself again, what did I expect, a sign over her head saying “Unclean” or two heads, of course she’s a nice girl. What the hell do I do now, I had never thought of a woman that way. Since I finished my old “Profession” I hadn’t even been with another man, the experience had left me feeling kind of sexless, I never even felt the need to masturbate any more. I didn’t even look at men in that way let alone women.
“Well you’re always welcome to come round for a cup of tea you know.” I muttered smiling weakly at Mandy.
“That’s not quite what I mean you know.” Mandy’s hand started stroking the back of my hand gently. I could feel myself flushing with embarrassment. I stood, suddenly pulling my hand away.
“I have to go. Sorry.” I said as I grabbed my coat and hurried to the door, I didn’t dare look back at Mandy.
“Mrs Bağdat Caddesi escort H please, Janet.” I heard as the door closed behind me.
Out on the street I walked aimlessly for a time my mind whirling. What did Mandy want from me, I didn’t need anything like that. But then John would be off to Uni in a month then I would be alone. What the hell was I going to do?
I walked around the town for hours, I had told John I wouldn’t be home until ten and it was only half eight when I left the pub. My thoughts were going around and around in my head getting me nowhere, yet through it all I could still feel the ghost of Mandy’s fingers softly stroking the back of my hand. No one had ever touched me like that, a drunken romp at a party and five years as a prostitute didn’t leave much room for tender touches.
Eventually I arrived back home and let myself in. I was still upset but now weary and footsore as well. As the door closed John burst into the hall.
“Mum, where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you. You didn’t answer your phone.”
I dug my phone out of my pocket and looked at it.
“It’s flat. Look John I’m too tired to talk now I want to go to bed. OK.”
I pushed past him and went to climb the stairs.
“Mandy rang me, she was in tears, said she messed everything up. Did you have to upset her?” he sounded more angry than worried.
I paused at the foot of the stairs and turned to him.
“You two do a lot of telling each other everything don’t you. Did you ever think that I might be the one who has cause to be upset?” He was obviously angry with me but I was too tired to argue with him tonight.
“Mum, you know she hasn’t got anyone but me to talk to if she has a problem.”
I looked down at him for a few moments, now I was the one getting angry. John and Mandy had put me through the wringer today and he just stood there and told me it was my fault that they were upset.
“Well she’s got more than I have then.” I said quietly and turned back to the stairs.
That night I was haunted by Mandy in my dreams. I saw her standing at the bar, her slim body with it’s cute butt drawing my gaze. Her shy smile as her eyes looked down at the table, her cheerful grin when she turned up at the shop, but most of all was that tender caress to the back of my hand as she spoke to me.
I woke up in the morning feeling groggy and un-refreshed, and for the first time ever I felt a touch of loneliness at waking up in an empty bed.
Pulling myself together I got up and showered and dressed. In the kitchen I sat at the table again with my head in my hands while my coffee cooled.
I had behaved badly last night I realised. The poor girl hadn’t hurt me, she had just let me know how she had felt with a quiet dignity. I panicked, that was the truth of the matter. I was faced for the first time in my life with someone telling me that they cared for me, not because I was their mother, just because I was me. I should have reacted better to her, let her know I understood and wasn’t angry with her for telling me. Now I had to try and fix this.
Pulling on my coat I went up to John’s room and knocked on his door. I heard his sleepy voice mumble come in so I opened the door. He was just sitting himself up in bed, I could see Greg’s head half buried under the duvet.
“John, I need to speak to Mandy this morning, do you know if she’s working today?”
“Um, no I don’t think so, it’s Friday today isn’t it? I don’t think she has to go in until Saturday. Why?” he was still half asleep as usual at this time of day.
“Can you give her a ring for me and ask her to drop by the shop around lunch time if she isn’t too busy?”
“Yeah okay mum.”
“Bye love.” I said as I closed his door.
“Bye.” I heard from him and Greg.
The morning passed slowly, it was quiet and I was still worrying about how I was going to face Mandy after I had been so rude.
About half past twelve she showed up. One look at her and I felt even worse, her eyes were puffy and red, it was obvious she had been crying a lot. She looked scared like she was expecting me to blow my top at her.
“Morning Mrs H.” she said, there was a tremble in her voice that hurt me to hear, she was normally so self assured and confident or at least that’s the way she had always seemed to be.
“Afternoon Mandy, please call me Janet. Look I’m sorry about last night, I behaved very badly.”
“I was going to say sorry to you, I ruined everything because I misread you. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be silly, you haven’t ruined anything. I just panicked a bit that’s all.”
The slightest trace of a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.
“Panicked? Am I some kind of lesbian monster that scares correct little housewives.” I could hear the resentment and anger hidden beneath that weak smile, god I was trying to fix things and making them worse.
“Oh god.” I groaned, “I’m trying to explain and I end up making things worse. Look it’s not you, it’s not the fact that you’re a woman, the problem is that I’m just not used to, you know intimacy.”
“Intimacy, look I wasn’t trying to get into your knickers in the middle of the lounge bar of the Oak you know.” she still sounded pissed off, but her customary grin was trying to make a reappearance.
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