From Sam to Sarah: A Genre-Bending Story of Personal and Sexual Discovery. Chapter 3

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Aubrey had just finished building up my confidence to the point where I was ready, as ready as I would ever be, to cross the threshold of that door and make my first public appearance as Sarah, the female persona she had helped create for me to trick her side-guy into letting me watch them fuck. She told everyone that I was her lesbian roommate; that was the cover.Our heels clicked on the pavement. We held hands, our painted fingernails intertwined, as we walked to the door. As we approached, I could hear that there was a lot of people on side; typical party sounds filled the interior of what looked to be a converted frat house. My heart beat faster. I didn’t know if having so many people inside was a good thing, to distract from me, or a bad thing, that there were more people to notice me if my secret was exposed.Aubrey’s elegant, pink-tipped fingers grabbed the door knob.“Just remember everything I taught you in girl-training,” she said.She leaned in and gave me a long, slow kiss while she twisted the handle to the door. She pulled away as the door opened. I expected there to be a room full of people all staring at me, but there wasn’t. The party was an absolute rager, with everyone focusing on whatever it was they were doing at the time, paying no attention to the opening door.There were people everywhere. All the furniture in the living room had been pushed to the side. In their place were guys and girls dancing, grinding, and kissing to the loud hip-hop beats that blasted from the DJ setup in the corner. The counter in the kitchen was surrounded by people pouring drinks. It held dozens of bottles of liquor and there was a keg in a tub of ice in the middle of the room. Everyone was in various stages of inebriation.Good so far, I thought to myself, no one has seemed to notice me.Aubrey, sensing my tension while trying to read the crowd, leaned in and said loud enough to be heard over the music, “Come on, sexy Sarah, let’s loosen you up with a drink.”She grabbed my hand and led me into the kitchen. All the while, I was trying my best to remember all of the training from earlier in the week. I made sure that my hips swiveled as I walked, that I bounced with a sort of airiness in my steps, and that my wrists dangled limply as my arms swayed. When we arrived in the kitchen, Aubrey grabbed a red Solo cup and filled it with whatever liquid resided in the punch bowl on the center island. She handed it to me, and I nearly guzzled down the whole cup.“Whoa, easy, babe!” she yelled. “We have a long night ahead of us!”She refilled my cup and handed it back to me. Just then, an adorable twenty something coed approached. She was wearing a very fashionable outfit – a flowy green peasant top, black tulip skirt, shear black stockings, and white stilettos. She tossed her shoulder length blonde waves to the side as she smiled and gave my girlfriend a giant hug and saying, “Hey girl what’s up? Who is this?”“This is my roommate, Sarah,” said Aubrey.“Oh, this is Sarah,” said the girl.She moved in and wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me with a warm embrace. This was honestly the first time a girl had been so willing to embrace me like that upon a first meeting. It must have had something to do with her not perceiving any masculine threat from me.“Aubrey has told me so much about you,” she said.My cheeks flushed. I wondered what Ankara escort Bayan exactly she had been told.“All good things,” Aubrey reassured me with a wink.“I’m Kate, by the way,” said the girl, “it’s so nice to meet you. I’m looking forward to getting to know you.”She leaned in close and whispered in my ear.“Aubrey told me that you’re gay. I just think that’s so cool. Listen, it’s not my thing, but let me know if any guys give you a hard time and I’ll be your backup. I don’t know if there are any girls here for you tonight, but I suppose you have a better gaydar than I do.”She giggled and squeezed my arm. I looked to Aubrey for reassurance. She had a gigantic smile on her face. She was clearly enjoying every minute of this. I searched for something to say.“Thanks, Kate. Its nice to meet you to, and I appreciate it,” I said in my best feminine voice.She told me a little about herself, that she and Aubrey were classmates and worked in the same Bio-Chem lab together. Kate turned to Aubrey and began another conversation.“I just saw Scott doing a keg-stand before you got here. Oh my god, girl, his shirt fell down and we all got a peak at that six pack. I swear I was about to faint. You are so damn lucky to be with him. If we weren’t such close friends, I would have jumped him right there!”“Where is he now?” asked Aubrey with a kind eagerness that made my heart twinge.“I think he’s outside with the rest of his buddies, talking about whatever guys talk about,” said Kate.“Probably us,” said Aubrey looking directly into my eyes, “I’m going to go find him and let him know I’m here.”Before I could say anything, Kate grabbed me by the arm and said, “Sarah, let me introduce you to some people.”I was so nervous at this point, but Kate had already drug me in the opposite direction of Aubrey, my safety net. I would be seeing her and Scott both soon enough. We made our way into a side room where people were standing in a circle, holding drinks, and talking. Kate led us into one of these circles.“Guys, this is my new friend, Sarah. She’s new here.”This was the first meeting in my life quite like this. I noticed instantly that everyone in this circle was sizing me up. The girls’ eyes ran up and down quickly, so as not to be noticed while checking out what I was wearing and to pass quick judgements. The guys’ eyes moved slower. Some of them stopped at my hipline, and some at my chest. I finally understood what is like to be under the male gaze – simultaneously intimidating and empowering. I could not tell if I was flattered by it or despised it. Maybe it was somewhere in the middle.They all introduced themselves. One rather large guy said, “New friends have to hug,” and came up and hugged me tight with one hand on the back of my shoulder and the other on the small of my back. I got the distinct impression that he just wanted to touch me for his own pleasure. So many new emotions were swirling inside of me, so many new experiences and ways of interacting with people that I couldn’t quite figure out exactly how I was feeling about all this.“What major are you?” asked one of the guys who had introduced himself as Derek.He was the only one of the group that seemed definitely interested in what I had to say, and wasn’t just judging or sexually objectifying me. I paused before speaking, trying to Escort Balgat remember all my practice to make my voice sound feminine.“I’m a history major. I just transferred here from State,” I squeaked out over the loud music in the background.“You made a good decision,” said Derek.They all laughed at his joke. He winked at me. I blushed and felt butterflies in my stomach, but I had no idea why. Another guy, not Derek, decided to join the conversation.“Did you leave a boyfriend back at State, Sarah,” he asked.“Um, she’s a lesbian, Taylor,” Kate chimed in before I had a chance to speak.I noticed instantly that her statement started a new round of visual inspection. The girls more intently scrutinized my appearance, and I could tell the guys were picturing what I would look like with another girl. Their eyes glazed a bit. Another girl?“Duly noted,” said Taylor with a kind of tone I thought to be suspicious.I was quiet for the next little bit while I listened to the rest of the group shoot-the-shit and talk about whatever they had going on in their lives. After some time had passed, I started to wonder what Aubrey and Scott were up to, and I hoped they hadn’t started without me. I also notice that my second full cup of juice was gone and that I was starting to feel tipsy.“This is my favorite song!” yelled one of the girls. “Come on girls, let’s dance!”The girls of the group all started heading out to the living room. Kate grabbed my arm and dragged me with them. The guys followed close behind, but stayed off to the sides to watch us. I could feel their eyes one me. They wanted to see a lesbian dance with their straight girlfriends.Maybe it was the booze, I don’t really know, but something came over me. I wanted to feel the attention. I wanted to know what it felt like to be on the other side of the desperate gaze of a horny male coed.All “us” girls were dancing in a circle, putting our arms in the air and shaking our hips. Kate came up and put her arms on my shoulders. She got close and straddled my thigh and grinded her hips into mine. Her hands went around my back and gently pinched my ass.“I’m just putting on a show for those boys,” she whispered in my ear, “I hope you don’t mind.”“I don’t mind,” I replied.“Ok, good. There’s nothing like a girl-on-girl kiss to get them going. Will you kiss me for a few seconds?” she asked.I nodded my head “yes” and she leaned in for a kiss. Our lips touched in a soft embrace. A distinctly low-pitched masculine cheer erupted from the onlooking crowd. With the encouragement, she stuck her tongue in my mouth and we kissed for a few seconds more. I could feel a tightness growing in my panties that had me worried about exposing my secret, so I broke it off first.“Thank you,” she said with a smile, “my boyfriend is all riled up now.”She looked toward the onlookers, “I’m going to get it in good tonight! Thanks for the dance.”She smacked my ass as she walked away and into the arms of her boyfriend, who immediately stuck his tongue in her mouth. I guess he wanted to taste me on her lips. I could feel eyes all over me and suddenly felt embarrassed. I made my way to the bathroom to collect myself. I had to re-tuck my “secret” because the arousal of the mini-make-out session had shifted my panties a bit. I suddenly became very nervous. What if Aubrey found out Batıkent escort I had kissed another girl?I opened my purse to get out some touch-up makeup and fix my smeared lipstick but, when I reached in, I felt something odd. It was a familiar shape. I pulled it out of the purse and realized it was a condom in sealed wrapper.What the fuck? I thought to myself, why would she put this in here?I thought for a second about the implication and what she could have meant by it. I decided that it was probably just to look like a real girl. But wait, the cover was that I was a lesbian. What, then? I put it back in the bag and made my way out of the bathroom to find Aubrey.I walked around the house for a while, but couldn’t find her. I remembered that she had originally gone to find Scott outside, so I went looking out there. Memories flooded my mind of what happened the last time I couldn’t find her at a party. I turned the corner of the house to walk to the back and felt the hair raise up on the back of my neck. There was someone following me.I suddenly realized how dark it was on this side of the large house, and how no one else was around.“Hey, Sarah,” called the voice.I recognized it as Taylor’s. I stopped. He approached quickly and stood in front of me.“That was some hot dancing you were doing in there,” he said.I laughed nervously.“Thanks. We were just having fun.”“Yeah, I’d say,” he said a little too forcefully, “but there was something not quite right about it.”I began to panic. Did he somehow know that beneath this denim skirt and lacey panties was something not that dissimilar from his own equipment? My heart beat faster. I suddenly noticed how much larger he was than me, about how these heels would stop me from making a quick getaway, about how scared and vulnerable I was.“Yeah, see, I’ve seen plenty of lesbians before, and you don’t look like one,” he said.I was confused.“What do you mean?” I asked.“I’ve never seen a lesbian as hot as you are,” he said, “and the way you were dancing with Kate, well, it didn’t seem like you were totally into it. If you were a lesbian, you’d be all over a chick that hot, no?”Before I could muster a comeback, he took two steps forward, forcing me backwards until my back was against the side of the house. He was so heavy leaning on me. I didn’t have nearly enough strength to push him off. I put my arms up, but he grabbed my wrists tightly and forced them back. He put his mouth next to me ear. I could feel his hot breath.“It looks to me like you’re undecided. I think maybe you just haven’t had the right dick,” he said. “I think that maybe a proper fucking could turn you around. I think a nice hard cock in you could remind you how to be lady.”I could smell the alcohol on his breath. He was clearly drunk. A million thoughts raced through mind. Was I about to be violated, fucked against my will? Should I at least tell him to put the condom on? What would happen if he pulled off my panties and discovered my secret. Would he beat me? Was I in serious danger? My eyes started to well with tears. I was so helpless, so powerless to defend myself.He leaned in and tried to put his mouth on mine, but I turned my head. He started kissing my neck, his tongue licking in circles as his lips sucked. His hands groped up and down my sides. He reached around and started squeezing my ass so hard that it hurt. I tried to push back again, but he was too strong.“Stop!” I yelled.“Shut up. You know you want this,” he said through clenched teeth.His hands drifted down from my ass and lifted the hem of my skirt. He slipped his fingers underneath my lacey panties. He was skin-to-skin with my bare ass.

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