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I avoided my flatmates- there was no way I could look them in the eye. I had been constantly moaning since Eric and I broke up about what a jerk he was, and the minute he asked I’d spread my legs? I was the worst. I skipped dinner, knowing I’d regret that in the morning and curled up in bed with some weed to help me sleep. Eric didn’t like that, but fuck Eric.
I was in a mood the next day, but I kept it together so the boss couldn’t say anything particularly nasty to me. I went out with the lads again after work, and I won a few rounds of pool. A few drinks in me, no sign of Eric and honestly, I was starting to feel pretty good.
Good enough that when I made eye contact with the tall blonde guy behind the bar and felt my stomach flutter I decided to go with it. I’d seen him before but he was usually caught up with customers and making cocktails. Maybe he wasn’t gay, I couldn’t tell. Maybe it would be better if he was straight given how out of practise I was at this.
He leant over the bar and blinked his green eyes at me.
“Let me guess. Negroni for you, Shirley Temple for the big fella, El Camino for the guy who seems to think a permanent cap will hide his receding hairline…” I rolled my eyes.
“Two jugs of…”
“Export. I know.” I shrugged.
“It’s shit, but you can’t deny it’s cheap.”
“That’s what she said” He laughed as he turned to grab the jug.
“Well I hope she appreciates that shirt isn’t cheap.” He slowly handed me the jugs, looking carefully at me. I didn’t know shit about nice shirts except I did happen to know that particular one was commes des garcons and it had set Eric back a few hundred. He smiled incredulously at me. Cute dimples when he smiled. Cute freckles across his face which stood out when he blushed.
“Now how would you know that?” He said slowly. I shrugged.
“I make a point of knowing things that keep pretty boys happy.” He blushed furiously and choked on his laughter.
“You saying I’m a pretty boy?” He teased. I think he still thought I was just being a lad so I looked him dead in the eye.
“Obviously.” I said. I glanced back at him as I returned to my table, just so he knew I was checking him out.
I offered to buy the next round as well, which was suspicious because I always tried to wriggle out of my round… I shook the lads off and said I felt bad for missing it last week.
“Back again so soon?” He took over from a colleague with a firm look. Well that was a good sign.
“Couldn’t stay away.” I leant over the bar and looked at the offers on tap. “I was thinking of trying something… else you have behind the bar.” I said “Something blonde, maybe.” I glanced up at him and he laughed in my face.
“Huh. That has to be the corniest line I’ve ever heard.” I shrugged at him and smiled.
“Is it gonna work?” He looked thoughtfully at me.
“Probably.” He stuck his hand out and I shook it. “Dylan.”
“Come here often?” He joked as he started pouring the next round.
“First time. What’s good?”
“I have it on good authority that the Export Gold, for all its faults, is cheap.”
“Cheap. That’s definitely up my alley.”
“Well in that case you really must try the blonde behind the bar.” I cracked up and paid for the drinks but I hesitated before walking away.
“Hey uh.. Dylan?”
“Um. Could I get your number?” I immediately realised what a shitty thing that was to do and blushed. “Oh fuck, sorry, you’re at work. Ignore me. I’m out of practice. I know flirting is practically your job…”
“It’s ok.” Dylan stopped me rambling. “Here.” He scribbled it down on a bit of paper near the till and tucked it in my shirt. “Makes a nice change from flirting with rich old women. We could do it some more. Over a drink even.” I blinked at him.
“Um.” His face fell a bit. “Sorry, I just didn’t expect that to work.” I laughed.
“Well, I’ll be honest Gus, I really didn’t expect you to swing my way. So it’s been a surprising night all round.”
Hey. It’s Gus. I’m the guy who was trying to hit on you on Friday night.
You weren’t trying to hit on me. You were hitting on me. Badly.
Clearly not that badly, I got your number.
Yeah which one were you?
Kidding. You’re in every other night. You slaughter those guys at darts. What’s up Gus?
You wanna grab that drink?
We met up at the other end of town, no chance of running into the guys from site, which I suspect Dylan knew I was cagey about. He wasn’t dumb, and I wasn’t exactly waving a rainbow flag.
“You been on Grindr lately?” He said as we leant over the bar.
“Ahh…?” He winced.
“Look dude, someone’s gotta tell you and your mates on site wouldn’t know.” He opened up the app and scrolled for a second. He passed me his phone and I looked at it. Jesus.
Property of Eric Young.
Nice picture of me and all. That utter cunt. I collapsed into the bar with a groan.
“My ex.” I explained. “I think he’s forgotten we broke up.”
“Yikes.” He said. I Osmanbey travesti nodded, despondent. I was finding it hard enough to move on when Eric and I hadn’t seen each other for weeks. This was torture. Dylan touched my hands. “Gus… ahh… what am I in for here?” I glanced up at him. Ah fuck. He saw right through me. He rested his hand on his chin and glanced down at me. He didn’t look mad. Just a bit worried.
I couldn’t help but start to smile as I looked at him.
“What?” He smiled at me.
“Just…” I started to laugh. “You must think I’m really hot.” I sat up. “Can’t believe you still came out with me after that giant red flag.” Dylan grinned and shrugged.
“I’m not scared of him.” He said. “I just don’t want to be the second choice when the guy you really want is busy.”
“It’s not like that.” It was like that. I looked at Dylan properly. He was devastatingly pretty. I didn’t really have any right to be out with him, he was fashion campaign, male model gorgeous. I cleared my throat. “You’re ah… definitely not second choice material.” He blushed and cleared his throat. “You don’t need to worry about him.” I lied. “Promise.” Dylan looked at me. I don’t think I had him fooled for a second but he sighed and sat back anyway.
“Not here.” I grinned. “Fucking wanky brioche buns.” He laughed and threw his hair over his shoulder.
“I like brioche buns!”
“Ugh, you totally would.”
“What does that mean?!” I shrugged and pulled out my wallet. I could see him about to argue with me about that and I shook my head.
“You get the next one. What are you drinking?”
He drank some expensive, natural and hard to pronounce wine- god I really do have a type, huh? And he pointed me in the direction of a lager that in his opinion wasn’t trash. We grabbed chips and wings and settled down next to each other. I asked him about work, apologising that we were always so loud and brutish.
“No, I like you guys. You’re polite and you tip. It’s all the corporate folks that do my head in. Act like they know so much more than me about everything as if I didn’t write the wine list.”
“So is wine like… your thing?”
“It’s one of my things.” I motioned for him to go on. “Clothes, old movies, guitar- I’m not very good though, comic books… I like brewing stuff and making stuff.” He shrugged and sipped on his wine. “You?” I swallowed.
“Um… darts?” He laughed. “I read a bit.” I admitted. “Real books, ones without pictures.” I teased. Dylan laughed.
“What kind of books?”
“Everything. Jon Ronson, Brandon Sanderson, Jasper Fforde, Jane Austen…”
“Yeah.” I said defensively. “Just cos I work construction I can’t get into historical social commentary on societal standings in the late 18th century?” Dylan laughed and he slowly snaked his hand across the table to touch mine.
“Gus, you’re kind of surprising.”
“Is that good?” He smiled.
“So far very good.”
We went for a walk after another round, which I forgot to let Dylan pay for and slowly entwined our arms. Dylan squeezed my hand, blinking down at me .
“So I’m hella dumb and double booked you today Gus.” I looked up at him.
“Cancel him.” I said. Dylan laughed.
“I would but he’s my Dad and I see him like three times a year.”
“Gotta head to El Matador now, but I’d love it if you escorted me.”
“I could do that.”
“You free Friday night?”
“I’m free every night.”
“So see you Friday. I finish early, I’ll wait at the bar till you clock off.” I grinned as he took my hand and led me back into town.
He kissed me chastely at the door.
“Friday. Probably before actually, you’re in every other night.”
“See ya.” He squeezed my hands as he slipped away into the restaurant. I bit my lip. Fuck. I hadn’t told him I wasn’t out.
I felt someone step beside me as I headed home, keeping pace with me. I sighed.
“Nice to see you too.” I rolled my eyes. “Trying to make me jealous?” He said. “It’s working.”
“What was that shit on Grindr?” I changed the subject.
“Me being a touch possessive.” He paused for a minute as we marched in sync. “I’ve been thinking.” He said eventually.
“Don’t hurt yourself.”
“No.” I stopped to look at him. That was a bad idea. He was dressed for the weekend which in Eric’s case meant even nicer than he dressed for work. His hair, which usually he slicked back, was loose and floppy around his face. He had a silk shirt on which he had left an obscene amount of buttons undone on. What can I say, I like a man who dresses well. Opposites attract. I swallowed. “Eric…” He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at me.
“Gus.” He said.
We stared at each other and it took every ounce of willpower I had not to fall into his chest and let him wrap his arms around me. I could see his jaw tense and I knew he was resisting something similar.
“Please leave me alone.” Ayrancı travesti I said quietly. Eric sighed.
“I’m open to it.” He said. “Marriage.” He ran his fingers through his hair distractedly. “If you wanna talk.”
“You’re just saying that to get in my pants.” His mouth twitched.
“I don’t want to talk.” I said. “Not today.”
Eric stared at me. I held my breath. If he told me to come home with him I would. I knew I couldn’t stop myself. But he nodded.
“Ok. Maybe later Gus.” I blinked. Eric turned away from me and paused. He looked back. “Can’t wait to see the look on his face when you pretend you’re straight in front of the guys. You’re gonna break his heart.” Eric smirked and turned away again.
I caught my breath as he melted away. He’d really gone. He left me alone. I was relieved. Kind of disappointed.
And he had a really good point.
“You look worried.” Chris said when he got home. I was staring at my phone trying to work out how to text Dylan and tell him that yeah, despite being in my- God, almost late 20s, I was still kind of not out. I glanced at Chris.
“How did I come out to you?” Chris raised his eyebrows.
“Really? You hooked up with my brother, dude.” Oh yeah. Oops. I shrugged guiltily at him and he laughed. “It’s ok I think we’re over that.” I sighed and put my phone down. I couldn’t tell Dylan I wasn’t out. No one has time for a boyfriend that isn’t out. I glanced at Chris.
“No one cares, right?” He blinked at me.
“That you hooked up with my brother 10 years ago?”
“That I’m gay.” Chris frowned at me.
“Literally no one cares.” He said. Ok. This could be ok.
Some of the lads wanted to go for a pint on Wednesday and I hesitated. Mikey, Leon, and Robin. Just the four of us. I bit my lip and sat down. Leon raised an eyebrow and looked at me as I started to blush. My insides felt very tangled.
“I, um. So, I ended up talking to someone who works there. Dylan.” I said slowly. “I… I uh. We ended up hanging out.” The guys looked at me.
“Oh?” Robin said eventually. I stared at the concrete in front of me.
“Yeah. He’s um. Cool.” I mumbled. Cool. Like a new playmate. “He’s um… you know. My type. I mean- very my type not just my type because he’s a man, which to be clear is also my type…” I could hear myself rambling and my guts were twisting awkwardly. My face was burning and my hands were shaking. How was I such a fucking pussy?
“Oh.” Leon said. I winced.
“If you’re gonna … fuck I dunno. Make a thing about it, beat me up or whatever… now’s the time.” Mikey laughed.
“Beat you up? I’ve seen you at the gym, no one’s beating you up Gus, even if you are a midget.” I looked at them. I couldn’t read their faces. I think Robin always knew, actually, but that didn’t mean he was stoked to hear it.
“I don’t have to come anymore.” I said slowly. Leon raised his eyebrows.
“No.” He said. “But who will emasculate us by beating us at everything if you’re not there?” I shrugged.
“This isn’t the 90s Gus, statistically one of us is into men and it isn’t me.” Robin spoke up, realising I needed explicit acceptance. “People are gay. No one cares”
“We… we good?”
“Yeah, dumbass.” Mikey said. “We’re good.” He raised his eyebrows. “And Gus- you know no one works on their arse as much as you do unless they…” Robin hit him to shut him up as Mikey cracked up. I laughed as well, kinda embarrassed but also- he was right. I didn’t squat for nothing.
Dylan must have received the I’m not out memo in spite of everything because he was discreet pouring our beer.
“I ah… mentioned I was seeing you.” I said as I ran my card. Dylan’s eyes lit up.
“You mean I could have been flirting with you this whole time?”
“Better late than never.” He grinned and poured us each a shot.
“On the house.” He smiled, placing them on a tray and following me to the courtyard. “Congrats on coming out.” He said, taking a shot with us. I glanced at the lads. Too much? They seemed ok. I mean, they got free booze, of course they were ok. Someone wasn’t though. I could feel my neck pricking. I looked up.
“Oh no.” I muttered. Dylan caught that and followed my gaze.
Eric was dining with a couple of people from his office. They were all dressed impeccably. He was glaring at me. I felt sure the only reason he wasn’t in my face right now was his colleagues. Dylan put his arm around me.
“Someone I don’t need to be worried about?” He muttered. I blushed and snaked my hand around him.
“You don’t need to be worried about anyone.” I said quietly, looking up at him.
“Hold the door.” Someone shouted sharply from across the foyer. I stuck my foot in the elevator and held it there as he rounded the corner. Oh. I really should have known better.
Eric jumped in the lift and whirled on me.
“You came out?!” I stepped back against the wall involuntarily. “You came out for that hippy bartender after what? One cheap fuck? And you wouldn’t come out for Cebeci travesti me for SIX years?” I blushed and heard myself stammering.
“It’s not like that!” I protested. “Dyl and I haven’t fucked.” He snorted. “It wasn’t for him, it was just… like, about time.”
“ABOUT TIME?” He growled and stepped towards me. “It was about time when we started arguing about this.” I opened my mouth to say something but we reached his floor and the door opened. He folded his arms and stood in the doorway. “I’m going to wait for you downstairs after work tonight. The fucking least you can do is come over and talk. You owe me that, Gus.” I shook my head, but I glanced up at him and met his eyes.
He was a little flushed and his eyes were moist. Oh. I’d really hurt him.
“Ok.” I mumbled.
We walked to his place in silence. Our fingers brushed each other’s but neither of us made a move to hold hands as we walked.
He let us in and poured us each a glass of wine which I sipped dubiously. I knew getting drunk around Eric was a bad idea. He sighed.
“He’s pretty.” Eric said, staring into space. He had to mean Dylan. I nodded. “I like him.” I looked across the table. Eric was shaking his hair out.
“I like him a lot.” I said quietly. His mouth twitched.
“More than me?”
“That’s not fair.” Eric bit his lip.
“No. Sorry.” He cleared his throat. “I won’t stop you.” His dark eyes flicked up at me. “But I cant promise you I’ll stop myself.”
“I’ll have to get better at saying no.” He smirked at me.
“You really will, Gus. You cave for me every time.” I blushed, but he wasn’t wrong.
“So. Um. Speaking of caving for you…” Eric’s eyebrows almost flew off his face.
“I just thought… one last time. For old times sake.” I smiled sheepishly across the table. Don’t say it. I know. Eric smiled at me sadly.
“So this is it. Our break-up sex. For real.”
“I mean. I think we’ve had breakup sex like 5 times now but… yeah… I kind of want to see where things go with Dylan.”
“Well. If they go nowhere, I’ll be waiting.”
“You could try moving on.”
“I’ll give that a real shot when you do.” He grinned at me and raised an eyebrow. “In the meantime…”
I put down my wine and fell to my knees beside his chair. He wrapped his hands around my head and drew me in for a deep, longing kiss.
“I’ll miss your kisses.” He sighed. “The shitty job you do at shaving.”
“Fuck you. It’s meant to look like that.”
“Scratches my face.” He mumbled as we panted against each other.
“So date someone who prefers to look smooth.”
“I don’t like boys with smooth faces.” I pulled away and laughed at him.
“I’ll miss you complaining about everything about me.” He pulled me in again and ran his fingers through my hair.
“Take your shirt off.” I peeled it off and he admired me.
“I’ll miss those muscles.”
“Plenty of boys with muscles out there.” He felt me up carefully, squeezing my hips and stroking my abs.
“Maybe.” He muttered.
I helped him out of his jacket and shirt and hung them carefully on the back of his chair before kneeling between his legs. I nuzzled his cock through his suit trousers and he spread his legs wide.
“You want this?”
“Beg for it.”
“Whatever.” Eric wrapped his hand in my hair and pulled me up off the floor.
“I said beg for it.” I grinned.
“Please.” He laughed.
“Please.” He mocked me. “As if I don’t know exactly how well you can beg for me.” He pulled my hair again and I grunted with the pain. “You have another boy now Gus. If you don’t want to beg I can always send you back to him.”
I felt my face heat up. What’s wrong with me? I didn’t even wait for him to initiate today.
“Please Eric. Please, please, I need your dick. Please let me taste you.” He sighed and leant back.
“Ok slut, you can have my dick.”
“Thank you, thank you, fuck…” I gently undid his trousers and reverently released him from his underwear. I sighed as I rubbed my face all over him. Neither of us were really foreplay guys but this would be the last chance I had to taste him for… for as long as I could distract myself with Dylan I guess.
I licked up and down his shaft and he relaxed into his chair. His usual commentary was reduced to some soft sighs. I gripped his thighs and switched to my hand, moving my mouth to his balls.
“Fuck. That’s good. Good boy.” I moaned as his fingers fell to my hair. “God I barely had to look at you today, you’re getting easier and easier.”
“Fuck off.” I moaned as I worshipped his dick. He chuckled and his fingers clenched in my hair. He wrenched me off him.
“I need to fuck you now.” He threw me to the ground and I started to scramble out of jeans as he undid his trousers.
“Wait, wait… Shower…” I mumbled.
“Stop being such a white glove cunt Gus, bend over for me.” He slapped my ass and I lost my balance, sprawling before him.
“Bend over and spread your ass, you fucking slut.” I whined and obeyed, feeling a little humiliated. I really don’t like bottoming without a good amount of prep but Eric always did like me to be available anytime. I shoved my ass in the air and whined as he slid a lubed finger in my ass.
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