24: One Crazy Day!!

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Ever hear that old rap song “It was a Good Day” by Ice Cube?

The song refers to that one inevitable day that every one has where everything goes “right”, you can’t make a mistake and you have the luck of the Irish.

Well, I recently had one of those days. It was probably one of the greatest days in my life.

For a little background on me (to put things in perspective) … I live and work in San Francisco. It’s a great city, but I have what is deemed bad karma. My friends tease me by calling me “Peter Parker” because I’m a little bit klutzy and always have some trouble with the ladies.

I work in the mail room at a prestigious law firm ( which I can’t name here for fear of being sued to death.) where I take a lot of shit off of various high end lawyers and executives. Chief among my workplace antagonists would be Debbie Manchellini. She was an executive assistant for one of the partners and she always seemed to be in a perpetually bad mood … “What does she look like?” Just think of that old pop star Debbie Gibson (In her teens) with a seriously exaggerated coke bottle shape. From the waist up she looked like a normal sized woman with nice sized boobs, but from the waist down she was “abnormal” with her hips flaring noticeably outward so much that the long skirts she wore were stretched out to the max. Her face was narrow and youthful framed with a long lion’s mane of 80’s style curly blonde hair topped of with a bowed ponytail jutting out of the top of her head.

Debbie was in charge of the mailroom and some of the other departments and she ruled with an iron fist. Part of the reason she got away with it was because she was married to one of the partners.

Most of the low level workers called Debbie “Wide Load” and “Bell Bottom” … They snickered and whispered when she walked past. I on the other hand found myself starring intently at Debbie’s “wide load” more and more as the days progressed. I began to wonder what was under the extra long pleated skirts that she wore. Were her legs a mass of cottage cheese and varicose veins? Did she posses the muscular horse-like legs of a thoroughbred? Was her butt a messy shapeless form resembling chewed up and discarded gum or … did it resemble two shapely globes?

My curiosity had quietly turned me into a budding “Ass Man” , a new age R. Crumb of sorts. I didn’t dare confide in any of my co-workers. I would have been heckled out of the building. My roommate Shaggy ( Hippie parents) thought it was funny and cool at the same time. He was a serious stoner who had a “Get in were you fit In” attitude when it came to women.

This was apparent based on the appearance of a few of Shaggy’s female stoner friends that hung out at our apartment on a regular basis. There was Bettie , an extremely skinny and petite asian art student that I’d had the misfortune of seeing nude once. I’d come home from the movies and entered my darkened apartment only to find Shaggy taking her anally as she perched on the sink like a gargoyle. Trust me, not something you wanna see.

Then there was Gloria, a extremely rotund and porous looking brunette who always seemed to be passed out on my living room floor. She was a Berkley grad student who had flamed out and was currently spinning around the academic drain. She was nice enough when she wasn’t disoriented from what seemed to be a perpetual high. You might ask why a seemingly clean cut guy like myself put up with Shaggy and his associate squatters. Well, the answer is simple.

Claudia Escobar, Shaggy’s long time best friend and a constant object of continual lust for me. She had been employed at the firm for a year longer than me when Shaggy had suggested that she help a newly arrived me get a “9 to 5” and “conform”.

(Note: Shaggy’s parents sent him a monthly stipend in thousands of dollars. Shaggy was a trust fund Baby.).

Claudia was this really cool Columbian chick that was working in the paralegal department. She had long silky looking raven colored tresses that hung to her shoulders and a uncommonly beautiful face. She was probably about five four and seemed to have an athletic build. (She always seemed to be wearing business suits, so I couldn’t tell exactly how she was built.). She wore a large pair of black horn rimmed glasses that accentuated her hazel colored eyes. I was really into Claudia and even the sound of her slightly accented voice was enough to give me a raging boner.

When I first started going to work at the firm, we would ride the train together. I was always on my game with a pithy comment or some new joke to amuse Claudia. To my credit, she though I was the funniest thing since sliced bread. I kinda figured I was halfway to getting in her undies when she laughed and gave me playful little punches on my arm when I flirted.

The only problem was that Claudia was dating this asshole named Ricardo.

This dude was a chunky, angry looking dick that was completely toxic to Claudia. She had confided in me about the many times he had cheated on her and embarrassed her in public. After sharing a few rides with me on the train, Claudia even admitted gaziantep escortlar that he had totaled her BMW one night in a d***ken binge. Her beautiful eyes would go to this distant far away place when she talked about Ricardo. She said that she knew she should dump the bastard …

But, she also said she loved him. And that was it for me. Too many times had I been the “friend ” to some hot, unattainable chick. So, I just sucked it up and kept my lust to myself, content just to be in her circle. We’d even started walking arm-in-arm on occasion, separating only when we got to the firm. Gossip was rampant in the workplace and spread with the speed of a forest fire. I certainly didn’t care if I was orally linked to Claudia, but she was working on a legal career with hopes of becoming a lawyer some day.

I always let her have the first crowded elevator, waiting for the second and waving at her as the doors closed. Then I skulked off to my waiting misery in the mail room. Debbie had been running the mail room ragged for the last couple of weeks and issuing mandatory overtime, so I hadn’t been enjoying Claudia’s company as of late. It was Thursday Night & I’d barely made it home only to find the apartment full of people and loud music. Shaggy was having another of his stoner parties, so I went to the double doors that made up the entrance to my room and crashed into exhausted darkness of sl**p.


I was deep in sl**p with visions of a naked Claudia frolicking when I was awakened from my sl**p by a strange sensation … a wet, heated sensation that seemed to emanating from my crotch and inner thighs … There was a strange slurping, sucking sound in the darkness.

I opened my eyes seeing nothing in the pitch dark of my room and was obliged to hit the switch on my bedside lamp.

My room was suddenly illuminated. I was still under my large thick blankets lying prone with my head facing the room’s double doors. However, there was a strange spherical object bobbing up and down between my legs.

I panicked throwing the blankets back only to find ….

Gloria giving me head.

She explained that she had sought the comfort of my bedroom floor when Shaggy’s festivities had become a little bit too much. Gloria then went on to explain that she had been disturbed to find me restlessly tossing and turning in my sl**p and had thusly decided to help me “relax”. she complimented me on the cleanliness of my cock and clearly intended to finish giving me head.

I declined ( Out of well, embarrassment that I could sl**p while someone was sucking me off.) … Gloria insisted that it was no big deal and that no one would be the wiser. She said that I needed to realign my “chi” or something to that effect.

In fact the entire time we had been talking about the pros and cons of the continued head, she had been softly stroking my cock in a soft yet measured manner. She was extremely skilled in this regard. I figured “hell with it”, I wasn’t seeing anyone and I had no chance with Claudia anyway.

Gloria was actually quite attractive in an ethnic kind of way. She had a soft round youthful looking face with a somewhat prominent nose that gave away her jewish heritage. She was soft and cuddly, her tiny digits wrapped around my member like she was holding a flute. Yes, she definitely had her technique down as she lay on her stomach between my legs sucking and stroking me increasing intensity.

I lost it in short order …. Blowing a quart of DNA deep into her waiting throat and becoming immediately embarrassed afterward.


Gloria sat on the end of my bed alternately drinking from a half full can of beer and lecturing me on being comfortable with showing my sexual nature. She was quite the intellectual admitting to losing her mojo after giving herself anally to her liberal arts professor & being rebuked from his social circle afterwards.


I’m laying on my bed again with Gloria on top of me … her blue thong pulled to the side as she rides me cowgirl. For some reason, I’m just weirded out when I should be ecstatic that I’m getting laid. I close my eyes and reach under Gloria’s Mario Bros. t-shirt cupping her surprisingly full breasts. Both of her nipples are pierced.

Gloria removes her t-shirt and starts grinding the shit out of me all the while mumbling some existential bullshit about everything having it’s place in the universe. She locks her legs against the sides of my pelvis and grinds me nearly to dust as she begins to orgasm.

I don’t cum … but my cock quivers uncontrollably.

Gloria wraps her tiny fingers around my cock and starts sucking on my balls . I ultimately fill her mouth with more liters of cum than she can handle.

She asks me if I am still embarrassed and I admit that I am.

She sighs and looks around on a bedside table finding another can of beer. She has some light freckles on her back. I want to kiss them. She grabs the remote and turns on the television. We sit in my bed together watching War of the Gargantuas …. It is a really cheesy movie.


I’m pounding the snot out of Gloria’s ass. Normally, I’m not the kind of guy that would -…well, I usually don’t do anal. But Gloria has convinced me that it will help her get closure about the debacle concerning her professor.

It’s an extremely tight fit . Gloria is on her knees bent over my bed. Me, I’m grabbing her fleshy square butt and working my crank deeper and deeper into her ass. She has her face buried into the comforters on my bed, moaning loudly.

In the other room, Shaggy’s party continues unabated.


I shoot a third and final load deep into Gloria’s rectum and pass out on top of her. I am not embarrassed … I’m simply spent.


I awake from my exhausted slumber and look across the room to see Gloria sitting on the toilet in my private bathroom looking dejected. She is sobbing.


I finally awake from my weird night of nasty sex to find Gloria cuddled up under me. She looks somewhat at peace. I gingerly slip out of bed and prepare for work.

When I come out of the shower, Gloria is standing there with a cup of coffee wearing one of my t-shirts. She assures me that she isn’t trying to make anything out of her tryst, just that it was a release for both of us. She admits that she probably needed the sex more than I did and feels like she can finally get on with her life.

I don’t know what to say to that .

I really don’t.

Gloria pulls on a pair of jeans and quietly leaves my room after giving me a kiss on the cheek. I hear the front door close moments later.


I’m standing in what’s left of my living room. Shaggy and his friends have trashed my home.


I’m just about finished sweeping up all of the loose trash and beer bottles. My hard wood floor is scr**ed to shit, but I could care less. Shaggy is nowhere to be found, a cryptic message left on the fridge the only clue to his whereabouts.


Text message from Claudia: “Meet you at Café.”

Sometimes I had breakfast with Claudia before going to work. Today, her text was a little bit early this particular morning. And I quickly finished my preliminary cleaning to catch up with her.


Gloria is little more than an afterthought as I take a care to the café where Claudia is waiting . It’s a quaint little corner café run by an old Chinese couple (Both guys) and the food is just above adequate.

I actually find Claudia waiting for me in the doorway. The over anxious look on her face gives me a moment of pause … The hug that follows is equally alarming.


I have just spent the last twenty minutes listening to Claudia pour her heart out about how Ricardo treats her like trash and barely even looks at her anymore. I’m sympathetic but not overly so … Secretly this alarms me. Is it because I had just the night prior hours upon hours of guilt free sex?

While she’s talking to me I’m actually fazing in and out of consciousness. Her words are starting to become slurred, my vision blurs as she goes on and on relentlessly about this Ricardo douche. The obvious results of my marathon night with Gloria. My mind begins to wander a few hours earlier to Gloria’s fleshy butt bouncing up and down on my worn out cock. She was so uninhibited and well, accommodating. I began to wonder if I should pursue the easier path with Gloria.


“Are you listening to me?”

There was an actual look of desperation on Claudia’s face. I was at a lost for words in the face of this plain and simple question from the object of my desire and lust for months prior. She was looking straight into my pie hole waiting for me to respond. Before I could formulate an answer, Claudia had let out a quite audible sigh and hit the door.

The loud slamming of the restaurant’s glass door snapped me out of my stupor long enough to catch up with Claudia as she stood on the curb facing the street. I apologized profusely lightly touching her arm.

She responded with a kiss.

Instant Reply – Claudia Escobar kisses me…. In the middle of the street. In public no less.

Before I could respond, she had hailed a cab and was off to work minus me. Her BFF (Or so I thought.) left standing on the corner this overcast morning. I went back into the café and paid the bill before running two blocks to the subway station and nearly getting hit by at two cars.


Twenty five minutes late for work. Debbie had been waiting for me at the time clock with a write up. I didn’t plead my case or even try to appeal to her better nature … I simply signed it. No questions asked …. No problem … I just didn’t care about Debbie’s bullshit today. She actually looked surprised when I signed the paper work.

Since midnight, my life had become complicated. I’d accidentally gotten laid with one of Shaggy’s friends and to top it off Claudia has picked today to start some drama. I didn’t know how to feel about it as I played “the kiss” over and over again in my mind’s theatre.

I spent most of the morning in a daze while life continued unabated all around me. The office was buzzing with fresh gossip of the blockbuster kind. Rumors stated that their was some sort of upheaval going on with the partners and that change was in the air. Some of my coworkers were speculating that it had been the reason why Debbie had been driving the office batty.


I sitting in the break room with a couple of guys. My friend Brad who’s been at the firm for a year longer than me and a temp named Gerald, some b*****r from across the bay (Oaktown) … He’s a temp worker from friggin’ Apple One and can’t seem to shut up about Debbie’s big freakish looking butt. He’s annoying, but only because he’s stating what I’ve been thinking for quite some time now.

“Damn, how do guys work with that in the office? I wanna jump on her back every time she come up the aisle, shit man. Seriously, I don’t know how she can even walk through there without tearing those fucking cheap ass partitions up with them big ass hips.”

Brad had been drinking milk (with a straw) and was spewing fluid from his nostrils and mouth because of Gerald’s impromptu comedy act.

“Seriously, that shit got me fiending something serious. I never wanted to kiss an ass so bad in my life. Damn man, I’d like to run two fingers up the crack of that ass.”

I kinda chuckled at Gerald’s comments, but he was right. I had been wondering what was under all those pleated skirts for a long time now. I had entertained numerous internal skits where I’d worshipped Debbie’s ass in one form or another.


He was talking to me.

“Bra? You’d hit that wouldn’t you bra? Gerald really wanted to know. Brad had leaned forward in his seat to hear my answer.

“Bra? I seen you staring at that donk man. You’d hit it serious huh?” I struggled to find an answer for Gerald, trying to find a plausible way to deny his sneaky accusation. My coworkers would heckle me out of a job if I’d admitted my fetish.


None of us had realized that Debbie was standing in the room just out of eyesight. There was no telling how long she had been standing there listening to our little jam session about her butt.



All three of us were just blown away that we had been caught having a “locker room moment”. I don’t know if I was more surprised that she was there listening or that Gerald had “made me” regarding my obsession with Debbie’s butt. I didn’t know if today would be my last, but I was glad I hadn’t admitted anything.


I have been working multiple floors in the firm, happily pushing my mail cart from office to office. I was glad to be away from Debbie after the incident in the break room. A lot of the guys didn’t like pushing the cart around because it meant cramped service elevators and going through multiple security checks on each floor.

I knew that if I remained on the mailroom floor I would inevitably end up staring at Debbie whether I wanted to or not. Then, she’d probably shit can me for sure.

I got a text.

It’s Claudia … She wants to have lunch-and talk. It’s gonna be awkward considering the kiss we shared this morning. I’m pretty sure she’s gonna say something along the lines of “Lets just forget about what happened this morning and start all over again ..as FRIENDS.”

I didn’t return the text.

I’ve had an AWESOME night, a weird morning that included getting my ass in a sling with Debbie and I just didn’t feel like adding any more drama to my day. So I continue on with my day whatever may come.


I receive three more texts from Claudia, each more urgent than the last. For some reason I still don’t return her calls or even attempt to respond to the messages. I was getting more scared as each text arrived with a simple chirp on my cell. Mort, the security guard at the loading dock told me that now was the time to close in “for the kill” on Claudia.

He was probably right.


I finally cave and answer Claudia’s text. I blame my inattention on Debbie. She’s like a woman possessed on the phone going in and out of her native Spanish accent. Says she’s leaving work because she’s got this “feeling” about Ricardo. She wants to know if I’ll come with her … I tell her about being on Debbie’s shit list and make my apologies.

She slams on me.


Everyone has left the office except for me. It’s kind of a company policy that everyone has to get out of the office during the lunch hour. I’m sitting in the copy machine alcove watching all of my coworkers exit the floor. I realize that since I’ve been working at the firm, I’ve had lunch with Claudia every single day since of my working career. I feel really bad about behaving like a douche’ earlier with her. I just want to make it up to her some how. I’m starting to get progressively worried about the status of our friendship.

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